Sure Ways to Lose in Entrepreneurship: Blaming and Self-Shaming

One who cannot dance must not blame the song.

— Matshona Dhliwayo

Blaming

We’ve all been there—feeling wronged and placing full responsibility on others. When we blame, we often mask our vulnerability with false bravado. We become defensive, interpret feedback as a personal attack, and double down on our position. If things aren’t working out, it’s because they didn’t understand us. While injustices can occur, blame tends to keep us stuck—repeating the same story instead of moving forward.

At its core, blame avoids vulnerability. It relies on a simplistic solution: “If I just had that loan, the right marketing, or one more client, everything would work out.” But it rarely does. This mindset is especially damaging in entrepreneurship, where adaptation and learning are essential.

The antidote? Stay committed to your vision but flexible in your approach. Be willing to admit what you don’t know. Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s a sign that you’re engaging with uncertainty. As Brené Brown puts it, vulnerability is the best measure of courage.

Feedback doesn’t have to dictate your direction, but responding with “That’s interesting—let me think about it” opens the door to growth. Curiosity will serve you better than defensiveness ever will.

Self-Shaming

On the flip side of blame lies self-shaming. It’s the quiet voice that says, “You don’t have what it takes.” You seek constant reassurance and try to play the perfect entrepreneur—an impossible role. That inner critic asks, “Who do you think you are?” and doubt takes over.

Here, the antidote is self-compassion. You’re a work in progress. You’ll make mistakes, but that doesn’t make you a mistake.

The Trap of Comparison

Self-shame often festers in comparison. It’s easy to scroll through LinkedIn and think, “I’ll never be that good.” But you’re comparing someone else’s highlight reel to your rough draft. Entrepreneurship is messy, personal, and non-linear. Measuring yourself against someone further along is like judging a teenage athlete against a pro—it’s not a fair fight.

Instead, track your own wins: not just sales, but also skills learned, courage exercised, and boundaries set. Growth isn’t always visible, but it’s always happening.

Khadija’s Turning Point

Take Khadija*, for example. She launched a boutique branding agency and quickly hit roadblocks. She blamed her clients for “not valuing design,” resisted improving her onboarding process, and dismissed marketing altogether. When business dried up, she looked inward and began to doubt her place in entrepreneurship.

“I need money for a LinkedIn campaign,” she told me. But there was no clear plan. Instead, I challenged her to spend three months attending two types of events—one to meet potential clients and another to connect with fellow entrepreneurs. She wasn’t convinced and left the meeting. I assumed I wouldn’t hear from her again.

Four months later, she returned.

“I started meeting with two other entrepreneurs regularly,” she said. “Hearing their struggles made me realize I wasn’t alone. I do belong in this space.”

We spent the next two weeks refining her business plan and cash flow strategy. With a clearer sense of direction and growing confidence, she began to let go of both blame and shame.

The Ownership Mindset

What ties blaming and self-shaming together is a reluctance to take full ownership. One pushes responsibility outward, while the other pulls all doubt inward—but both give away your power.

Entrepreneurship requires a shift: from reacting to circumstances or opinions to actively owning your path. It’s not about being flawless; it’s about staying grounded when things get messy. It's saying, “I missed the mark,” without collapsing into shame, or “I need help,” without pointing fingers.

That’s ownership. And it’s the foundation of a sustainable business—not just financially, but emotionally too.

*Name and business details changed for confidentiality.

Solitary by Catherine Frid, 6th inspiraTO Festival.